Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
