don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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