she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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