If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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