you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wear drunk well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
