just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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