i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Small penises have feelings too.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We left the knife in your bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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