i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
