Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
