Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
