moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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