those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
