Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
