Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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