But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
