Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
