i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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