Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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