all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
