I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
