cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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