So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
send nudes
from the living room?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
