I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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