I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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