i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
