Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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