Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
false alarm, still single
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