taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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