I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
