Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
