if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
