I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
