I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
