dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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