So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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