I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
