i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
