maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Floor bacon is actually really good
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
