just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
