brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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