I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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