my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
