dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's Friday. Sex?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
