My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
