i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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