Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
