is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
