i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck appropriateness.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
