I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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