Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
