I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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