can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
