OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
