pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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